Our kids are both starting to get to the age where they have independent activities that they do on weekends and as parents, Jamie and I are beginning to see a future where for a significant portion of our time, we’re going to be chauffers of little people.
I know that sounds like complaining, but it’s not really. It’s an acceptance of the fate the lies ahead of me.
Many of our friends have already entered this period of their lives and we almost never see them on weekends anymore unless there’s a birthday party for one of their kids.
Thankfully, we still seem to have Sundays to ourselves.
Jamie is off playing gold badly with his buddies and tipping back a few beers while they talk shit about how much sex they aren’t getting at home. I know all men talk about this and I hope Jamie plays along with it. I would rather be the shrew who doesn’t put out enough for him than for him to feel bad about his condition.
My parents swung by at 10am and picked up the girls to take them to lunch and for a visit to some petting zoo or another. Jamie was already gone by that stage, and I had them both fed and watered so I could hand them to my mom as soon as they arrived. Literally, if I could figure out how to get the girls safely into their car without my parents having to come to a complete stop, I would.
I love the girls and I love spending time with them, but sometimes, Mummy needs a bit of alone time.
And what did Mummy do with her alone time?
Mummy jilled off for the better part of an hour.
Yep, I laid on my bed, turned the air conditioner up to full blast at 18C, stripped off all of my clothes, laid on top of the bedsheets, and just rubbed out one orgasm after another. About halfway in I decided to mix it up so I ran over to my closet, pulled out this fairly sizeable black dildo that I have and a stainless steel buttplug, and filled up both holes.
I laid there sweating, the cold breeze blowing across my hard nipples, and I just twitched as the orgasms flew over my whole body.
When I couldn’t do it anymore, I had a nap.
After my short nap, I hopped up, cleaned off the toys so that I could put them back in their lockbox safely away from tiny little hands, and I had a shower. Then I had a bath.
A bitch can never be too clean.
My parents and the girls came back at around 3pm and my mom decided that they’d stay for dinner and she and my dad would cook. Twist Beth’s rubber arm, why don’t you?
I pinged Jamie to give him the news and he replied back, “19th hole, beers going down nicely, your dad is the best cook I know. Tell that man I love him.”
My dad is an exceptional cook. He could boil old shoes and you’d come away asking for the recipe. I’ve seen him convince my youngest to eat an entire bowl of broccoli by using cheesy paprika. I really wanted some of that broccoli.
I decided to sit down and write this post because I was soaking wet. Get your mind out of the gutter. I was watering some plants in the backyard when the girls got home and they immediately came out back and started bickering, so I turned the hose on them. Then they turned the hose on me.
Before any of you Sydney Water Nazis get too worked up, we have a double rainwater tank that we paid for and installed ourselves a couple of years ago so I’ll water my garden and plants whenever the hell I want to.
Anyway, I’m thinking of writing a letter to the Queen and suggesting that she rename Sundays to be “Beth’s Day” because I deserve it. It would be an appropriate recognition of everything that I do for society at large.
Please let me know what you think of this plan.
Also! I published the exercises that I use to stay in “sex shape” yesterday so feel free to check those out.
Although I am a believer in an ongoing Constitutional Monarchy for Australia, and I believe you have made this a better world. I don't care two hoots about your plan.
Just live it like Sunday has been named in your honor. I believe you deserve it.
What I really care about is that you like some anal play/insertion with sex/masturbation. I think we might have a budding Anal Queen as our newest correspondent.